my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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