what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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