can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
