ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize