I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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