i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
