it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
