my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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