I hate your face
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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