wat bout pragnant strippers??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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