Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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