I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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