Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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