please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
