then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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