Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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