I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
