Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
