i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
