he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
