i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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