did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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