How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
