I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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