Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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