She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
