today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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