Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
