Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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