i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
