Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it glows. i had to have it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize