I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
