True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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