well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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