You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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