I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
