so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
