If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
