so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just google imaged poop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
