I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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