so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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