chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
