I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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