i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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