dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
