then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize