my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
