I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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