he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
