I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
