so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
