Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
