If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
