I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
