i would punch a child for taco bell
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
