Cold hands, warm shart.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
