what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
