So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize