Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
