One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
