if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize