He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
