just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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