rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize