went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
