i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
