The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
