You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
