I feel like abortions should bother me more
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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