if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
