Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
